Dear Beautiful, Exhausted Woman:

In News by Kelley Gunter39 Comments

Dear Beautiful, Exhausted Woman:

This is for you.  The one who doesn’t know if she can make it one more minute, much less one more hour or one more day.  The one who gives and gives to everyone else until she literally has a vacancy sign in the hotel of her heart.  The one whose eyes are filled with sadness and pain– a pain that is either invisible to everyone or else they just choose to ignore it.  I know that pain because I’ve seen it staring back at me so many times in my mirror.

This is for the lady who always puts everyone else before herself.  You work hard, every day, harder than most of those around you, and yet it appears to go unnoticed. You cry silent tears in the shower or the bathtub so your children don’t hear you. You fall asleep with tears streaming down your face and just when you think there are no more tears left to cry, you think that the tear well in your heart must be bottomless, because you’re sobbing again.  Your days are lonely, even in a crowd of people and your nights are even worse.

You silently suffer.

This is for the woman who wonders if things will ever become easier, if life will ever get better. Each day brings a familiar feeling of doom, as life unleashes its newest storm for you to weather. You’ve been spinning your wheels for so long, not really getting anywhere, just trying, with all you have, not to crash.  Life has become so hard and so difficult and the bully’s in life have nothing on you.  They could never beat you up worse than you beat up yourself.  Countless times you’ve said, to yourself, “How could I be so stupid!? What was I thinking?! I should have known better.”

Well my dear, sweet warrior and survivor, it is time to give yourself a break.

Believe it or not, you can’t insult yourself into becoming a better you.  It doesn’t work that way. As our self-confidence and self-worth go down, our walls and blockades to happiness go up.   If you are always carrying around the bricks of your past mistakes, you will end up constructing the exact same unhappy structure you’ve been a prisoner in for years.  You are so much more than any mistakes you may have made, and it is time you forgive yourself.

Eventually you learn that running from who you really are is a race you can never win.  It is exhausting and depressing and it depletes your soul of the energy you need to become all you are destined to be. Maybe you are alone.  It is an undeniable fact that some of us are alone at the time being. We have no one to fight for us and we are standing in tears, facing all of life’s battles single-handedly. The world is a very big place and it is horrific to be alone.

I know all about dragging my past with me wherever I went.  My past was like a phantom or a ghost–it was a poltergeist that constantly haunted me.  Confronting that past was terrifying for me and I talked myself into believing, for many years, that if I just ignored it and left it alone, it would magically go away.  So, I buried the nightmares of my past.  I buried them so deeply in the cemetery of my heart that I almost convinced myself that they didn’t exist. I was playing a sort of hide-and-seek with my soul.  But monsters don’t hide forever.  They will always resurface and usually in the darkest of times, because that is when they are the most terrifying.

The truth of it is, we don’t get over our past.  We don’t get over our grief.  We aren’t gifted a new childhood that is minus the monsters that were real.  What I have learned, though, is that we can learn how to live in joy, in spite of our past hurts, mistakes, losses, and heartbreaks.  It takes courage.  It takes genuine bravery and strength to face, head on, the demons of our past.  I can tell you that I know, firsthand, that the secrets we keep in the dark, fester and grow and become poisonous to our soul.  They make us sick, they deplete everything good in us, they kill our hopes, and they make us live in fear of life itself.

As petrifying as it is, when we expose our monsters to the light, their power is lost. They no longer control us.  We suddenly realize we are free.  We have stepped out of our darkness and into the safety of our own light.  Even if we are standing alone, a place of happiness and serenity can exist.  We may have to build new relationships and create a new family.  Family has nothing to do with DNA.  DNA determines your relatives, love determines your family.  Ultimately, we determine who comprises the inner circle we call family.

So, my tired, beautiful, amazing woman, this message is for you.  Don’t you dare give up. Giving up is not even an option.  The bridge to your dreams and your happiness does exist, but you must be courageous enough to cross it to arrive at a better destination.  The first step may be that you have to realize that you are going to have to walk your path alone for a bit longer.  You will not always be alone.  I do not believe that God wants any of us to be alone forever, but when we discover our solitude, we can choose to grow and allow beautiful things to bloom in the healthy new garden we’ve planted.

I can honestly say that in my darkest hour, when I realized that there was no human being coming to save me or help me, I discovered my own strength. Yours is there waiting to be discovered as well.   I slowly regained my momentum and I want to emphasize the world slowly.  Healing takes time, trying to rush the process doesn’t help.  Be patient and gentle with yourself.  My journey began with forgiving myself, allowing God’s love to start my healing, and slowly learning to be proud of who I am–flaws, mistakes and all.   Do I still have bad days and moments of doubt?  Of course I do.  But I’ve learned my intuition, God’s voice inside of me, is powerful and I need to trust it.  I’ve also learned that I am stronger than I ever thought possible.  When I needed help the most, there was none, and no one came.  Because of that, today I am a different woman.  I don’t need or want anyone to save me.

This Queen saves herself.








  1. I am struggling and hopeful that I will find my strength and realize that eating won’t solve my financaial problems or take care of my demented but lovable mother, who fell out of bed at the nursing home a couple days ago and wants to come to my house to live.

    1. Author

      It’s so hard when we depend on food for our comfort and stress reduction. I know that I did that for years and sometimes still do. We are all works in progress and do our very best to make positive changes. Hang in there. I will keep you in my prayers.

  2. My goodness! Reading this, I felt you were taking to me. You hit my life right on the head. I am so glad I read this before getting out of bed. Thank you for the powerful encouraging words.

  3. These past few weeks have been especially hard for me because I’ve had a long Christmas break from work and been alone more than usual. I’m struggling….with depression and not loving myself at all. I knew that you had written a book and I plan on purchasing as soon as I’m able, but today I discovered your blog and have been reading thru all of your past blogs. I needed to read this one in particular! Thank you Kelley! I know we just “knew each other” because when you go to school where we did, you “know” everybody! But can I relate to a lot of your struggles!!! Thanks for your honesty! It helps so much! <3

    1. Author

      I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling with loving yourself. That makes me sad. I know how real that struggle is, though, and I will keep you in my prayers. You can subscribe to the blog and get emailed every time I post a new one. xoxoxox

    1. Author

      Hi Love !!! I think we all share so many thoughts and feelings…we aren’t alone we just sometimes feel like we are. We have walked similar paths and shared so many of the same emotions. Love you my friend. xoxox


    I know the feeling of giving everyone and everything I have….and not leaving enough in the tank for me.

    2018 is a new year…the opportunity to make new choices, make changes…and choose new priorities!

    Thank you for being so open and honest….what a gift to all of us!

    1. Author

      Thank you !!! We have to always remember to take care of ourselves first, but that is so much harder to do than any of us realize…especially those of us who have healing hearts. xoxoxo

  5. Thank you Kell! This made me tear up, as my heart is so heavy right now. Your words are so beautiful and so real.

  6. You are such an inspiration Kelley! Learning to forgive and take care of myself is a process I am really having a hard time doing. However….your words here have been encouraging. Thank you for that.

  7. With each step, I understand more about the road.
    I pause to think..ponder.
    Thanks for opening doors I didnt know were there.

    1. Author

      Your comment is powerful and has really caused me to think myself…. God may be hearing that in a prayer from me soon….and you may see it on this site….thank you for opening doors I didn’t know were there…..

  8. Beautifully written Kel… your story speaks to so many of us!! My sparkle is non-existent these days…. Your read was timely. Figuring out how to find ones power, ones sparkle is ALWAYS the hardest part… Knowing the problem exists is one thing… Being ones own solution is the evading and difficult part!

    Merry Christmas!

  9. Wow i honestly feel you are talking to me! !!!! Words come so hard to say sometimes for me….You just touched every place i am in right now, I’m so lucky to have found you, i hope we never lose each other but should we i just want you to know , i love you and have so much respect for you and how much you are helping many many women and helping us learn so much about ourselves, please don’t ever change who you are, many hugs

    1. Author

      My friend I am thankful for meeting you as well….even though we haven’t met in person, I know that you have a beautiful heart and soul. I also know that you have experienced a lot of hurt and pain and for that I am sorry. But you are strong and a warrior and I applaud you and pray for you always. xoxoxox

  10. The holidays are always tough when you are single and don’t want to be….never expected to be. It’s having strong supportive friends and family that get me through. I’m devastated that you felt so rock bottom alone and didn’t feel safe in calling me in for back up. I am so sorry for that.

  11. Well good Lord Kelly, I so needed to read this today. If all days, this was supposed to be MY day… my 50th birthday…. my special day.
    Yea, not so much! Such is life (my life). It never fails.
    But oh did I enjoy reading this as an exhausted, broken soul. I walk through each day usually going through the motions and hiding those tears from giving everything to everyone else. I’ve done it all my life and hidden those monsters as we all do.
    I need to take better care of ME. I’m learning!
    The Queen is very wise….. thank you! ♥️

    1. Author

      I’m so happy that this touched you and helped you through your day. Happy Birthday. Please do take precious care of you… is something that we have to learn to do. It doesn’t come naturally to those of us who have hurt. xoxoxoxoxo

  12. I was just telling my friend this the other day. I never feel like there is enough time in the day and I’m constantly thinking how can I do better. This is so spot on and so beautifully written. It’s like you know exactly how I feel. No wonder I feel such a connection with you. Thanks for the words of encouragement! ❤️

  13. Beautiful!!!! These last few weeks have def knocked me down, and that message is like a breath of fresh air! Thank you!!!

  14. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again you need to get out of my head! This is so well written and truly truly inspiring. #thisqueenwillsaveherselftoooneday

    1. Author

      Honey you are so much stronger than you think and you are making phenomenal progress. You have been hit with a tidal wave of life’s biggest hurts and you are bravely moving forward. I am proud of you and I will always be here to support you. xoxox

  15. Wow …I feel as though you were talking to me personally!!! I have tears running down my face! Beautiful message! Thank u

  16. Always hoping that the “one more minute, one more hour and one more day” shows just how incredibly resilient, amazing and undeniably strong you are. Like a force of nature to be reckoned with! Much love! ??❤️

  17. Thank you, very powerful message, and I needed to read exactly that today. I spent most of the day crying, I was very touched by your words. Thank you. Xoxo

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