Warrior Up, Badass…

In News by Kelley Gunter24 Comments

Some things in life are just hard to figure out.  Historically, I was the type of person who needed to make sense of something cognitively to be able to accept it emotionally.  Much to my dismay, life usually didn’t care what I wanted and rarely, if ever, provided me with that type of simple resolution. Instead of accepting that some things would just never make sense, I forged onward in my quest, wasting time, looking for reasons that didn’t exist.  There I was, smiling and waving from atop my float, leading the parade around and around the same damn block in Crazy Town, never arriving anywhere.

I spent over a decade of my life weighing almost four hundred pounds.  I certainly didn’t understand that.  I didn’t understand why I had to be stuck in my body. My friends weren’t trapped in my kind of body.  I felt so beaten and destroyed.  I wanted to like the woman I saw in the mirror, but I didn’t.  I think the sadness I saw in my own reflection devastated me.  I wanted to feel pretty, I wanted to feel desired and loved, I wanted to be healthy and active.  I wanted to be happy and enjoy my life.   Sadly, at the time, I felt the polar opposite of all those things. Happiness seemed fleeting at best, and usually elusive and far away.  My self esteem was at an all-time low and as you can imagine, I didn’t make the best decisions.

Actually, I made disastrous decisions.  I was so starved for love and acceptance and wanted to fit in so desperately, that I settled for people and things that only contributed to my already toxic existence.  If you are a Game of Thrones fan, you’re familiar with Khaleesi, the monarch with numerous titles.  At that time in my life, I, too, had many titles. Mine, though, weren’t so positive.   My introduction would have gone something like this:

Introducing her Grace, Queen Ruler of the Kingdom of Crazy Town, The First of Her Name, The Forgiver of the Remorseless, Lover of the Unworthy, Keeper of Grudges, Embracer of the Thankless, Enabler of the Offenders, The Broken, The Bitter, Lady Kelley, The Homecoming Queen of Crazy Town. 

As insane as all of that sounds, it was true.  Feeling like I had no options, I tended to tolerate whatever was thrown my way.  It’s like I was stuck in The Dressing Room of Life, trying on love and friendships that just didn’t fit.  I would try to squeeze and wiggle my way into things that were never meant for me. I lived in denial of the fact that there were other options in the great mall of life.  Instead of continuing on and shopping for something that was actually my size, I emotionally paid the price, filling the closet of my world with situations and people that would never fit.

I gave meaning to people’s actions and words that were never genuine in the first place. It’s hard to see reality looking through the blinders of pain.  Anything that is not based on truth will eventually fail. Unfortunately, there are people in this world who will use you, abuse you, talk shit about you, laugh at you, mock you, and smile in your face.  They will say they love you and then celebrate your defeats.  The haters of the world.  We’ve all encountered some of those.  Initially they can be hard to detect, and they might even seem almost perfect.  Be very careful about people and things that seem too good to be true–even the garden of Eden had a snake in it.

Yes, cowardly people love to throw stones, but a true Queen knows how to build her empire out of the very stones that were hurled at her. The construction process isn’t an easy or quick one, but the new world you find yourself living in will be well worth it.  Begin to build the life you desire.  You may only be at the planning stage, and that’s perfectly fine.  Design it the way you want it.  Envision it, draw it, dream about it, pray about it, demand that the universe delivers it to you.  Realize, though, that as you begin to build, immediately there will be people who are threatened.  You will absolutely lose people along the way.  The closer you get to reaching your dream, the more intimidated some people will feel.  Their comfort lies in you remaining where you were.

It’s a simple mathematical equation really.  If one side of the problem is less than, then the other side of the problem is greater than.  The people you lose along the way, felt greater when you felt less. That’s a major problem.  Don’t feel bad about subtracting them from your life.  I have lost many people who I believed loved me in my life–friends, lovers, even family.  At the time it was devastating.  Eventually I came to realize that they were on the left side of the equal sign…meaning they were part of the problem, not the solution.

The solution is this:  recognize that you are worthy of wonderful things.  You deserve the best that life has to offer simply because you are a child of God.  Learning to love yourself isn’t a quick or easy journey, but when you arrive, it’s a beautiful destination. When I stopped trying to control anything except myself, and accepted that there were some things in life that I would just never understand, I began to experience peace.  When you discover your worth, amazing changes begin to unfold in unbelievable ways.  Things may seem impossible or hopeless now, but life can change in an instant.  Even if there doesn’t seem to be a way for you to get what you want, you can pray and visualize how you want things to turn out.  That’s how the law of attraction works and that’s exactly what I did.

My situation appeared to be as close to hopeless as one could get.  I needed to lose weight desperately and I had tried and failed for years.  My insurance didn’t cover bariatric surgery. I didn’t make a lot of money, I didn’t have the credit to pay for surgery, and I was a single mom, trying to survive. Yet every night I visualized myself being thin and healthy.  I thought about how I would look, the clothes I would wear, the place I would walk into, how people would react, the things they would say, how I would respond, and how I would feel.  Night after night, I thought of the exact same things.  Sixteen years ago, when I first met with Kim, my surgeon’s assistant, I told her, “after I lose this weight, I’m going to write a book and its title is going to be, “You Have Such a Pretty Face.”  That book was released three months ago.

Against all odds, every bit of it happened.

It can happen for you too.  I’ve fought the battle myself, so I know how scary it can be. I will tell you this–you have to work through that fear and fight for the life you desire. Remember your worth, all that you deserve, and don’t you dare stop fighting until you get it. There may be some people against you.  Always remember, you can’t be a champion without an opponent.  Keep your eyes on your goal and crush every obstacle that gets in your way. Every small victory puts you one step closer on your journey to reclaim your throne.  You will survive the battle and you will emerge looking like royalty.

So, warrior up, Badass.  You got this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

  1. I can relate to you on so many levels! I find you to be deep and in touch with your feelings! Many are not and they hide behind food or other addictions! Looking forward to being a part of your blog, your Instagram and Facebook! I actually feel the love and support from you. It’s great to have people who get it! I look up to you and all who have been through this journey. The support is incredible and people like you really help people like myself. Thanks for everything you do!

    1. Author

      Thank you so much !!!! We are all walking a journey on this planet and I have found that the journey is much more joy-filled and easier to navigate during difficult times if we have people we can rely on who have already been there or who, at the very least, care about how we are doing and what we are feeling as we travel. xoxoxo

  2. Wow.. I so needed to hear this after the few weeks I’ve been having! Thank u for the inspirational words to keep me going❤️

  3. Blessings to you for sharing your inspirational story, Kelley! I am buying your book TODAY! ? ?

  4. Warrior Badass does not even begin to cover it! There are no words that can express the pure joy that I feel knowing that you finally see your worth! That when you look in the mirror you see that wonderful, caring, magnificent, amazing person shining back that has been trying to get your attention for a lifetime!!!!
    I know things have not been easy, hell they have been downright awful and miserable at times in the past year or so, but out of that you have risen anew like the Phoenix you truly are!!!! I love you girlie and can’t wait to see what next!!!

    1. Author

      Thank you my friend. I know that you have seen the path I have traveled for many, many years and I so appreciate your support and love. You know I love you right back. xoxoxox

  5. To quote you…..” Yes, cowardly people love to throw stones, but a true Queen knows how to build her empire out of the very stones that were hurled at her. The construction process isn’t an easy or quick one, but the new world you find yourself living in will be well worth it”

    I really needed to read that hear that feel that breathe it eat it absorb it and take it in action because I recently felt devastated thinking that someone who I considered a sister was in all actuality stabbing me in the back of verbally with an ex-spouse and it was definitely devastating but I’m very glad to be aware of it because I would much rather be told where my flaws are and help work on them if I have character issues that are causing someone else discomfort then to be shown a smile not told and criticize behind my back so it took me a while to read the rest of the blog because that quote hit in the right spot at the right moment and was Heavenly Sent! Kelly girl you rock!

    1. Author

      Betrayal is always difficult to accept and work through. It’s hurtful and can be devastating. As hurtful as it is though, I would rather know. The truth hurts, but at least you’re no longer in the dark. You will survive….and you are better for it. No one like that even deserves to walk in your presence. xoxox

  6. Thankyou Kelley. This has encouraged me to go on. I just had weight loss surgery June 13 last year. It has been a battle for me emotionally. I just bought your first book. I am looking forward to reading it.You look fabulous.

    1. Author

      thank you Tami for your comment. I know that when you get about six months in it becomes difficult and hard and sometimes we lose site of what we want and how can we achieve what we want. I hope the book helps you find your way. Please keep me updated on your progress. I will keep you in my prayers. xoxoxox

  7. Beautifully written! If you want something done, you need to do it yourself! Change comes from within, we cannot wait or want someone to rescue us. We need to take charge of our destiny, because no one else will! We are WARRIORS!!!!

  8. I can totally relate to what YOU wrote!! You nailed most of my adult life in that blog. Thank you for sharing it,and being an inspiration to All of us fighting the good fight,in this weight loss journey! I can’t wait to get the book!!!!

  9. Kelley, you have a gift with words. The impact of what you wrote will affect many. It did me. The quote, “When I stopped trying to control anything except myself, and accepted that there were some things in life that I would just never understand, I began to experience peace.” really hit me. Most of my problem is that feeling of not being in control of anything or anyone. I understand I need to 1) Let go and let God, 2) Just control me, myself, and I. This sounds selfish to me, but I know (after many years of counseling), I need to take care of me in order to take care of anything or anyone else. Thanks for the blog. I may make it a daily read and reminder <3 Keep up the good work!

    1. Author

      Hi Pam !
      I’m so thankful and happy that the blog spoke to you. Like you, words have a huge impact on me and sometimes one quotation has changed the way I looked at a situation and eventually how I lived. I am surrounded by inspiring words. I absolutely agree with you that surrendering control and putting ourselves first is a amazingly difficult thing to do. It sounds so easy, but is a very hard terrain to navigate. In no way is that selfish. You absolutely DESERVE to take care of yourself first. You are worth it. Always remember that. Thank you for the comment. xoxoxo

  10. You are a Warrior Queen! I absolutely LOVE this! It rings so true in life. We can only rely on ourselves. Whether your addiction is food, alcohol, drugs……only YOU can stop the cycle.
    You are an inspiration, and I am blessed to have you by my side as my dear friend!
    I love you Kelley!!!
    ❤️

    1. Author

      You, too, are a warrior Queen my dear. You are absolutely correct that we must learn to rely on ourselves and fight for the life we deserve. I am blessed to have you by my side as my friend little Missy. My cup runneth over. xoxox I love you too.

  11. All the words about how you felt and what you believed are like pages from my very own mind. I can’t seem to get passed the “fat girl” mind set. Everyone has always told me how beautiful my face was since I can remember. My mother passed in September of 2017 at 56 Years Old and I promised myself that I would be a better healthier me so my children never had to experience the feelings that I had. This is a life commitment and I won’t let anyone get in my way!

    1. Author

      I applaud your courage and firm commitment to make your own life healthier and happier and as a result your children’s lives will also be so much healthier and happier. Our actions and words absolutely affect our children whether we think they do or not. Those little sponges take it all in, including our feelings about ourselves. I am so proud of you. It is difficult to change and it’s especially difficult to change the way we think. Stay strong and committed. I am your biggest cheerleader !

    1. Author

      Thank you for the comment and I’m happy it spoke to you. Life is difficult and we need all the motivation we can get to navigate it successfully !!!!

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