This first post is a little long, and most won’t be this long… You will probably get 3-4 posts a week. So strap in, sometimes the ride might get bumpy. The exciting rides always do.
It’s been quite a difficult and sometimes painful journey getting my new memoir, You Have Such a Pretty Face completed and out into the market. There were times I thought it would never really happen, but as usual, God opened every door I needed. He always has. Major shout out to God for that. I love you, big guy.
Since this is my first blog post I wanted to write a disclaimer about what the blog is actually going to be about, what it will contain, and what you can expect. If the title of my blog, “Ramblings from the Homecoming Queen of Crazy Town” doesn’t forewarn you, this blog is not for the weak of spirit or mind. Those of you who have read You Have Such a Pretty Face, have already met the Homecoming Queen of Crazy Town. Those of you who haven’t, get the book. Meet her. You will relate to her and like her. She is my alter ego.
First and foremost, I should say that this is a WARNING… any of my close friends will tell you that when you’re with me, expect the unexpected. It has a way of happening each and every time. As I really thought about what I want to include in this blog, I just thought I want it to be REAL. I want it to be loaded with TRUTH and EMOTION and all of the drama that is included within that realm. I want it to scream happy and sometimes it will most likely cry in pain, but that is LIFE.
If you’re looking for a literary prize, this won’t be it. This is going to be an uncensored look at life. If curse words or anything sassy or colorful offends you, you might want to unsubscribe now. When I say I am a Christian, it is the basis of who I am, but I’m no holy roller. I have a personal relationship with my God and savior and my belief is that he loves me in spite of all my imperfect ways. I try hard to live in a good way every day, but let’s face it, I’m human. So, don’t expect some judgmental, holier-than-thou business here either. That’s not who I am.
What I am is a person who has been very hurt, obliterated in fact, by people I loved deeply. I guess, though, that I’ve done my share of hurting as well. I think we all have, maybe we just don’t realize it at the time. I’m a survivor and I think the world is full of those – I see people every day, shell shocked by life, walking around numbly, trying to figure it all out. I can be mouthier than I should be and I’m sometimes lacking that filter that stops other people from saying things they shouldn’t. My Nonnie always told me that, “men don’t like boring women.” One thing I’ve never been accused of is be boring, but I’m not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse. I come from a long line of incredibly strong, wickedly funny women, who had no problem saying, “I can take you or leave you and I can definitely do it myself.”
I cry when someone I love hurts. I’m a loyal friend. I will fight any battle with a friend or for a friend. If you hurt someone I love, I will straight cuss you out and not feel bad about it. That’s one of those circumstances where I apologize to God later, but it’s not a very good apology and it kind of goes like, “I’m sorry God, but they REALLY had it coming.” I know I keep God shaking his head at me and I’m thankful he doesn’t give up on me. I’m just not that person who is going to run out on a friend when life gets hard. I don’t think the Bible says, “A friend loves in good times only.” The Bible says, “A friend loves at all times.” That’s the kind of friend I am. I might hate what you did, but if I love you, I’m still going to love you and stand by you.
My mom used to look at me and my BFF Lori when we were in high school and college and say, “The two of you !!!! YOU lie, and SHE swears to it !” I always looked at my mom like, “duh…Isn’t that what friends do ?” I’m going to have my friend’s back. That’s the bottom line. That may not have always been the smartest plan and definitely didn’t usually work out how we had hoped, but we were 19 years old and quite frankly, that’s how the Homecoming Queen rolled at the time. She didn’t reign over “Always-Makes-the-Smart-Decisions-Town.” I don’t even know where that town is, but I’m quite certain they don’t have any fun there.
The last year has been an incredibly difficult one for me and I lost a lot of things and people. I lost a lot people I thought were my friends and it was devastating. I loved them and I was good to them and I thought they loved me. But, they didn’t. Sometimes the truth hurts and to keep it 100% real, the truth smacked the living shit out of me in the last year. My life has been riddled with mistakes, but I never betrayed a friend in need. Even the Queen doesn’t do that.
Once the initial shock of it all wore off and after the pain started to subside, my friend Allie told me that I had in fact, lost nothing. She said, “God took your trash out.” So in this first of many posts, I want to impart to you that we lose many things in our lifetimes. We lose pounds, we lose homes, we lose loved ones, we lose friends, we lose money, we lose things we think are crucial that don’t even matter. The shocking reality of it is that most things we lose we can’t control anyway. But one thing we can control is losing ourselves and losing our self-respect. Bad things happen when we let that occur.
Each and every one of you reading this today deserves to be loved and to be treated with kindness and with gentle admiration and respect. Many of you reading this may be with people who do not see all of the beauty that you bring to the table. People may not understand you. Damn them. Be you anyway. In YHSAPF I said in my letter to “the man of whom we do not speak” (that’s what I just chose to call him, lol) “You don’t have to love me. You don’t have to even like me. I got it covered.”
Today is the day. Today is the day you claim the most important piece of real estate in the world….and that is the ground beneath your feet.
Reclaim your throne, baby. The best is yet to come !